Love Is A Family Value

Gay marriage has been in the news again, with the Supreme Court refusing to hear cases about it.  Even they see that states' bans on it are unconstitutional.  The defenses of those laws were ridiculous, and boil down to "I don't like it so it shouldn't be legal."  Arguments based on religion, and on "moral" objections, like the idea that marriage should only be for procreation, just fall apart when subjected to reason.  I am still flabbergasted by people who supposedly support "family values" objecting to the creation (or rather, endorsement) of loving families.  Why aren't they arguing for more people to get married?

Off on a slight tangent: I think conservatives missed a chance.  They should have opposed gay marriage on economic grounds.  It's the only argument that would resonate with more people- "we can't afford to do this right now."  Even if it's not true, it would be "fiscally conservative" and play out in an interesting way.  "Socially conservative" objections let them whip up their base, or at least part of the virulently anti-gay social conservative base.  But a few years ago, they could have said "in the midst of a recession, we can't afford to spend so much more on benefits for more people."  It could have bought them time.  But no, they needed to be bigots about it.  Either way, they're on the wrong side of history.  And now they whine about that- "people say we're on the wrong side of history. That's mean.  They're bullies."  Well, you are. You're being jerks.  I understand that those are your beliefs, but they are brutish beliefs.

Oh, they're wrapped in religion, but they are not really supported by it, or by general human decency, at all.  Jesus said nothing about homosexuality or gay marriage.  Given his support for marriage in general, I figure he would have been okay with it.  And he was a man ahead of his time, in terms of acceptance and decency.  He was most definitely not weighed down by tradition.  Look who he hung out with.  If he were alive today, he would not be hanging out with Rick Santorum or Mike Huckabee, I can guarantee that.  There are plenty of liberal Christians who get this.  Conservative ones seem, to me, to have no clue what Jesus taught.  As a non-Christian, but one who supports his philosophy, it is sad to see.

Lately I've heard some saying "we don't hate gays, we just love them so much we need to correct their sins."  Yeah, so it's really tough love; I don't know how I missed that...  Hey- when you start acting this way about all the other sins your religion points out, then I'll start believing you.  When I see you acting like your religion says you're supposed to act, whatever religion it is, then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.  And I do know a few individuals who try to follow their own beliefs.  But far, far too many just want to make others believe like they do.  Hm... I guess that means they want to convert people into hypocrites like themselves...

There was a letter in the local paper recently, responding to an earlier letter.  It was from a Catholic lady who took issue with the previous writer's support for gay marriage.  Basically she said her religion was progressive, and supported "the right of children to have a mother and a father" by opposing gay marriage.  Essentially, "think of the children!"  Well, she doesn't really seem to be thinking about them.  Why are you wishing for that?  Why are gay parents bad for children?  They tend to be very motivated to have kids.  They're not having them by accident.  They plan, and try hard, to have kids.  They often adopt.  So, children of these families are likely to be wanted and loved, even more so than those of straight couples.  And less likely to be neglected or abused.  Why oppose building a loving family? To this lady a "loving home," by definition, doesn't mean a gay couple's home.  But that's a narrow definition.  Please truly think of the children.  Don't impose your religion on them.

In fact, that's at the heart of all this.  Don't believe in eating fish on Friday?  Fine.  Don't do it.  Don't wanna date someone different than yourself?  Fine.  Don't do it.  Don't like gay marriage?  Fine.  Don't do it.  But it's not your business if someone else does.  And if you're a real American, you will support others' rights and freedoms, not try to impose your narrow views on everyone.

Of course, religion shouldn't even be in this discussion at all.  Follow your religion.  Let others follow theirs.  And keep it all out of government, and my life.   If you think about it, there are three aspects to marriage: legal/contractual, religious, and   personal/love.  The legal one is what matters in the public sphere, for any marriage, and it applies to gay marriage as to all others.  The religious aspect may be important to you- cool!  Go to your church, have your ceremony... then make sure your marriage license is completed properly.  Your religion does not apply to others.  As for personal and love-related aspects of marriage: that's all up to you.  I think you shouldn't get married if you're not in love, if you don't respect each other, if you're not honest with each other, if you're not compatible in interests and lifestyle, etc.  I'm not going to tell you that (unless you ask for advice;) I'm certainly not going to say "you should legally not be permitted to get married if I don't think you're in love enough."  Come on.  Can we at least be reasonable adults when talking about what reasonable adults can do?  Do unto others- by letting them live their lives.  Go ahead and live yours, your way.