Judge Mental

The other day a friend posted something, well, controversial on Facebook.  And one of their friends decided to try to defend the indefensible.  It did not end well.

A local judge had dressed up at a Halloween party.  In blackface.  As a maid, alongside his wife who portrayed Scarlett O'Hara.  I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.  Somehow pictures leaked out, and people got upset.  He apologized, the local NAACP said the event seemed "not in his character," and he might be disciplined by the court.

So, nothing to see here, let's move on, right?  I mean, dressing up in blackface isn't "in his character," isn't "representative" of who he is, right?  Except that it is.  How many of us have put on blackface? A show of hands?  Anyone?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  Maybe it isn't normal for him, or common, but it is clearly in his character to do- because he did it.  And as a judge, this lack of good judgment is particularly surprising and important.  He presides over other peoples' lives, making decisions that affect them forever.  And he is a public figure, so is held to a higher standard of behavior and judgment.  I did see that some people, including most of the commenters on the local paper's article about the event, said the judge was an upstanding individual.  Of course, many commenters also said "it was just a costume" which reveals a breathtaking historical ignorance...

A quick recap: the judge apologized after being caught (sincerely? Maybe.)  Was tepidly endorsed by a political group.  Might get in trouble with the court.  Is that enough?  Obviously it is for the Friend Of A Friend (I won't use his real name, which is Rationalizing Asshole,) who thought the blackface was "frickin hilarious" (I'm guessing said FOAF was at the party, or saw video.)  I hope the court censures the judge.  I hope he loses votes (waaah; this bothered the FOAF.)  The judge has apparently endured a couple of weeks, I guess three now, of public shaming.  It'll pass.

People were upset about how this affects his family. I understand the impulse to defend friends and family; I'm doing that a bit now, since FOAF called Miss Mox retarded for daring to be upset about, oh, the judge wearing blackface, FOAF thinking it was frickin hilarious, and his easy use of the n-word.  Not that she needs defending- she has a rapier wit.  She also has a good sense of humor, but doesn't tolerate bullshit.  And there was a lot of bullshit going on here.  FOAF and others on the thread were more upset about the poor judge's feelings being hurt than the awful stunt he pulled.  Anyway, I see no reason to defend him in any way.  His family- I feel really bad for any kids or others who didn't know he was going to do it, or tried and failed to talk him out of it.  They do not deserve to suffer.  Of course, any suffering they go through is HIS FAULT.  Not the media's, not the people pointing out the awful thing he did, not the court's if they do in fact censure him.  The judge's fault.  Blaming anyone else is like killing the messenger.

There are others in his family, though, and apparently among his friends, who did know what he planned, who chuckled along with him when he showed up, who thought the whole thing was great.  His lovely wife, obviously, who joined in the fun.  They deserve some of the shame.  I do not feel bad for them at all.

In situations like this, as in much of life, I try to have an open mind.  I do exercises like reversing roles, and I try to come up with appropriate analogies.  The best I can come up with here is drunk driving.  Say I get drunk, and decide to drive home.  I know better, or at least I should know better; that also applies to the judge here.  If I get arrested, I might lose my license, maybe even my job; and my family will suffer, in various ways.  And it will be my fault.  I have had friends in this situation.  In fact, I know several people who have lost their licenses, and done a few days in jail; I know one person who ended up getting in a wreck and killing someone.  She went to jail for quite a while, and lost her job.  All these people, to some extent, whined about what they had to go through and what their families had to deal with.  I felt bad for their families; again, though, anything they suffered was the fault of the drunk driver.  And I lost respect for the people I know.  Before, they seemed to be decent people.  And everyone makes mistakes.  But we are talking about a whole different level of "mistake."  And after their arrests, I could never look at them the same way.  Something may not be "representative" of a person, may not be the whole of their personality, but clearly is a part of it.  And sadly, sometimes a very negative part of it. Sometimes we need to reevaluate relationships with people when they do awful things.  Of course, the FOAF doesn't even think the judge did anything awful, so there's that.  And it's interesting that in this case, and in those of the drunk drivers I know, the individuals are still much more concerned about themselves than about the people they affected; as are their friends.  The poor, poor perpetrators, they deserve so much more sympathy than those they've harmed, apparently.

The FOAF seems most put out by how the judge's family will be affected; obviously, I blame the judge for anything they suffer.  He also defended the wearing of blackface, since it was so clearly funny due to its "shock value."  Yeah, some shocking things are funny.  Some are not.  Violent death?  Not funny.  Abusing kids or animals?  Not funny.  Racism?  Not funny.  FOAF also figured since it was an "exclusive event," whatever happened there was okay.  Again, any of those awful things happening in private do not get a pass.  Still awful.

FOAF went on and on about all this, punctuating his rationalizations with a casual use of the n-word and the stuff about blackface being "frickin' hilarious," etc.  Often people who go on and on, orally and in writing, reveal a lot about themselves unintentionally.  I know, it's amateur psychoanalysis, but I've seen it before.  I wonder if they read it later and realize how they sounded.  Doubtful.  And I know I have said a lot here, and before; so someone is probably psychoanalyzing my overwrought prose right now.  Please give me the diagnosis; I think I know myself pretty well, but am always eager to learn more.

And maybe that's at the heart of what pissed me off here, as with so many other things: the willful ignorance of so many people, the lack of interest in changing that ignorance, and the proud defense of said ignorance.  Politically and personally, it is far too common.  If the judge, and the FOAF, had learned a little (in life, since clearly they missed a few things they should have picked up; and about blackface in particular) this would never have happened.  And if FOAF were not willfully ignorant about, well, America in 2013, maybe he would think twice about saying some of the stuff he did.