Back and Forth

I am excited about being a dad, and scared.  Am I ready?  Can I protect her?  In this world of threats, of weirdos passing out toys, of "militia" wannabes, can I be sure she will be safe on her walk to school?  Can I give her everything she needs, and teach her well?

Is it selfish that I waited so long to have a kid?  I'm not going to be able to do as much, physically, as I would when I was younger.  I creak when I crouch down now; what about when I'm trying to lift a kid?  And will I be around long enough?  I lost my dad when I was 43, and that still felt too soon.  When she is 43 I will be 91.  I hope to be here, but damn, that is scary.  I will be here, but unable to go whitewater rafting or whatever, even now.  And will we be able to afford to send her to a good school?

There are also lots of things I am looking forward to.  Raising a child with Miss Mox, an amazing woman who will be a great mom.  Seeing Lychee go to school. helping her learn her ABCs, reading to her (which I'm already doing a little bit.)  Finding out what she is interested in, which might mean new experiences for me.  I am eager, and nervous.  And she's almost here- two more months.  I have a lot to learn and do...