Back and Forth

I am excited about being a dad, and scared.  Am I ready?  Can I protect her?  In this world of threats, of weirdos passing out toys, of "militia" wannabes, can I be sure she will be safe on her walk to school?  Can I give her everything she needs, and teach her well?

Is it selfish that I waited so long to have a kid?  I'm not going to be able to do as much, physically, as I would when I was younger.  I creak when I crouch down now; what about when I'm trying to lift a kid?  And will I be around long enough?  I lost my dad when I was 43, and that still felt too soon.  When she is 43 I will be 91.  I hope to be here, but damn, that is scary.  I will be here, but unable to go whitewater rafting or whatever, even now.  And will we be able to afford to send her to a good school?

There are also lots of things I am looking forward to.  Raising a child with Miss Mox, an amazing woman who will be a great mom.  Seeing Lychee go to school. helping her learn her ABCs, reading to her (which I'm already doing a little bit.)  Finding out what she is interested in, which might mean new experiences for me.  I am eager, and nervous.  And she's almost here- two more months.  I have a lot to learn and do...

Looking Back, And Forward

It's hard to believe Miss Mox and I got married more than two years ago.  Time has flown by.  She recently reposted her write-up of our wedding party, and it was certainly a blast.  Now, we are expecting another member of the family in a few months.  First came love (well, first came like, according to match.com.)  Then came marriage.  Now comes baby in a baby carriage.  In between, there have been lots of trips, shared lazy weekends, snickers about inside jokes we can't reveal, snarky comments about politicians and other bottomfeeders, and kisses.  Miss Mox is holding up well under the strains of pregnancy, but not really enjoying it.  We are waiting to meet Lychee, and wondering what she will be like.  A mix of us, probably, in looks and temperament- though her energy in the womb reminds us of my brother.  And we are learning all we can about pregnancy and childrearing, and watching kids in public for positive and negative examples.

Baby Talk

Pregnancy is weird.   Wonderful and weird, but still weird.  There's a whole 'nother lifeform inside Miss Mox right now- our little baby Lychee (who already has a proper name, but might always be nicknamed after the fruit she approximated at 12 weeks...)  A life inside a life.  Truly bizarre.  Kind of like a parasite in there, and actually, a lot like one- leeching Miss Mox's energy.

My friend, life companion, partner-in-crime is struggling with all the physical changes, and I can empathize but not truly sympathize since I have no remotely similar experience.  I cannot even imagine what it is like.  She certainly wishes I could experience it.  I am going to be a first-time father at an age when many are already grandparents.  We are both kind of clueless about all this.  We keep reading the books and asking friends, and we know there is more craziness coming.  18 more years of it.  As parents-to-be, we are... well, old, and clueless.  Luckily we have friends and family nearby, and some who have had kids recently, for help and advice.  We have learned a lot but have much more to learn. 

We've been going to the doctor a lot, and the pace picks up soon.  I like those visits.  She doesn't.  Blood draws, poking and prodding, weight checks (she has actually lost a little overall; I have gained at least five pounds...)  The tests are coming back mostly fine.   We have our fears, of course.  And not just health-wise- money, college, safety, you name it.   Where will she go to school?  How will the animals react? 

We are getting the nursery ready.  Luckily we had already repainted the top of the walls, above the chair rail.  We were thinking of repainting below... but we will leave it a bit rough, in case Lychee ends up drawing on it.  We have a ton of clothes already, and are gearing up for the baby shower.

We chose Lychee's name over the course of months- tossing out ideas, researching, ruling out some cool names that were already too common or had been used recently in the family.  We wanted something unique but not bizarre.  I wanted something with an aviation reference, or maybe from a Dead song.  We, well, Miss Mox, wanted something that could be shouted down the street and still get the kid's attention...  What we chose has a distant aviation connection in the middle name, and hints at travel in the first.  The middle one also hints at "black and white."  Overall it's a classy name, with history behind it, and is very long.  I was worried it wouldn't fit on government forms.  Hopefully it's not too easy to make fun of, and it is easily shortened so she will be able to say and spell it...

Life is going to get very hectic soon.

Boys And Their Toys, Redux

The Bundys (Cliven and Ammon and Jeptha and whoever, not Al and Peggy) are playing army again.  I have zero respect for these "patriot" "militias," which are neither.  The Bundys are freeloading racist lunatics, who think they don't have to pay grazing fees, and that it's okay to point guns at federal agents.  They've occupied a federal building- that is, our building, yours and mine.  So in addition to cheapskates and scofflaws, they are trespassers and thieves. 

The locals don't want them there.  The criminals they are ostensibly supporting don't want them there.  The tribe the land was stolen from doesn't want them there.  The birdwatchers who frequent the wildlife refuge don't want them there.  And yet they stay.  They say God wants them there, but though I am no theologian I don't think they have a clue what God wants.  Think of what would happen- what has happened- when Natives, or Blacks, or Muslims occupy a building by force and threaten to kill the police.  Just as should happen in those cases, in this case I think we should wait them out, starve them, let them freeze, until they become bored and uncomfortable enough to give up.  Then we should throw the book at them.

I see these idiots waving the flag while attacking this country.  When I see the flag waving I think of what this country stands for: Freedom.  Justice.  The history our country has gone through, the changes the flag has been a part of.  I don't think about people stealing from the government.  Refusing to pay grazing rights, stealing from the rest of us.   Occupying federal buildings.  I do not think of those people as patriots.   I think of them as traitors.  And idiots, since they don't understand this country, or the Constitution.  They should give up and be the responsible individuals they claim to be, by paying their fees, fines, serving jail time, whatever.  I don't want to say much more about them.  They, and their ridiculous beliefs, should fade away.

Boys And Their Toys

I live not far from Cleveland, and have friends there, and have spent time there. I am lucky to live in a town that hasn't yet had problems with police killing children, or unarmed adults. I am trying to wrap my head around why a 12-year-old would be killed in a park by police, even if he was "big for his age," even if he was playing with a toy gun. Hell, even if he was an adult with a real gun, since Ohio is an open-carry state.

Is it appropriate behavior, is it in the police manual, to roll up on somebody and shoot them before you get out of the car? Might it not be safer for everyone, including the cop, to come to a stop near the edge of the park and assess the situation? I get that in some cases you need to react quickly. But if the person- child, actually- is by himself, not threatening anyone, might it make sense to figure out what's going on first? Or is it reasonable to rush, and put yourself in a situation where you might have to kill or be killed? For the last 10 or 20 years, toy guns in the US have been marked with orange, and are supposed to be shaped differently than real gun types. This one looked more realistic; that is, it looked like the ones I used to play with.

I get that police sometimes have to make snap judgements. But when they rush into a situation, and shoot a boy, and then people are falling over themselves to blame the boy? When the cop who shot him has a history of problems? When time after time police in this country shoot black people who are doing nothing wrong, while arresting white people who actually threaten violence, or even kill people? We have a problem. And some insist there is no problem. I worry about my family. I was a kid playing with toy guns once. Does that mean it's okay to shoot me?

Regardless of the race of anybody involved, people should be outraged when something like this happens. That so many are blaming the boy says a lot about how much race still does matter in this country. #BlackLivesMatter was created because of situations just like this. People are people; but not really, not to some people. Some people do not care about anyone who is not like themselves. They look for any kind of excuse to say "he deserved what he got." A white lady with a gun aiming it at police gets arrested. A black kid playing with a gun in a park gets killed. If your 12-year-old son got shot by police in a park, if they drove up without stopping, you'd be okay with it?

Reports from Cleveland, including from people I know who have been in the courtroom with him, indicate that the prosecutor in this case was known to be a scumbag long before this. He did not want to prosecute this case, and so he did not; he acted like a defense attorney for the cops.

What's to stop me from being shot? What's to stop my daughter from being shot? Maybe she's playing in the park with a stick that someone thinks looks like a gun. What's to stop the people who are supposed to protect us from bending the law to protect themselves?